A Time for Courtesy

"Real etiquette is about how we behave and how we treat each other."~ Judith, "Miss Manners", Martin

Last week I flew up north and drove from the Oakland Airport to Richmond, CA on three different freeways and back that same day. Living in Southern California, I drive all of the time. I spend my driving time yelling at other drivers. Young children are banned from my car. I do not want to be the reason that any two year old repeats the word "fuck" to Granny over and over and then giggles at her outrage and shock.

Driving in the Bay area, isn't like that. The freeways are crowded and in bad shape. The challenges of driving in this area are legendary, at one point, I go East on the 80 and West on the 580 all at the same time. How is that even possible? Despite lost strangers, bad roads, and insane traffic, these are some of the politest drivers in the world.

These people do not act as if they are the only driver on the road. At no point, have I experienced that special form of driving created by the belief that "only I matter." You know those drivers. We've all experienced/been them. The driver who has plenty of space between you and the car behind you, but speeds up to cut you off. It isn't personal at all, but in the world she lives in, you are the lead car and she must pass you to win the race. The driver in a left turn lane who decides to turn right. The light turns green, and yep, he hits the gas and cuts across three lanes of traffic to make that right.

Then there is the "distracted driver". This is the person who screams about the woman next to him putting on mascara, but then tries to read the text message that just came in on his phone. What the? This behavior is not limited to teenagers. In fact, I've seen more men in their 30's and 40's who think that they are big dawgs doing this. Again it has to do with thinking that he or she is the only important person on the face of the planet. The only thing that matters is what he or she wants and/or needs. Who needs to read a text message on a freeway doing 75 miles an hour?

My car is the place that I practice the mantra, "I am where I am supposed to be." Too frequently, I use driving time as primal scream therapy time. I used to joke that it relaxed me. I now confess that it doesn't. I confess to driving without thought and acting as if the only person on the road that mattered was me. Of course, I never end up relaxed after those driving sessions.

I want to end all of my driving time calmly from now on. And as the only person I have any hope of changing, I am going to pledge right now to remember that everyone on the road with me is loved by someone. When I use my car as a way to prove that I am important, I put others in jeopardy, too. Nothing in my life is more important than that person who just cut me off going home to his kids that night.

Sure it would be nice if all other drivers suddenly remembered that they are NOT the only person who needs to be some where, who has over booked the crap out of her life, who needs to do forty-two things at one time. It would be nice, but courtesy means that I need to be courteous regardless of the behavior of others. So, I pledge to be in the moment when I am driving; to behave well no matter the actions of others. It just may be time that toddlers and the elderly can be in my car again.

Anyone else want to make this pledge too? Or do you have any stories about driving behavior that has shocked you? Your own or another driver on the road.

"Treat people as you would like to be treated.  Karma's only a bitch if you are." ~ Author Unknown